Monday, February 23, 2009

Sex in Space

So, the Discovery channel has just turned me on to the fact that all the space nerds are talking about now (aside from you know, life on Mars and all that junk) is how to do it in outerspace. Yes folks, NASA wants our money to fund "research" on making whoopee in zero gravity.



In fact, some people have already made a "lovesuit" that nymphomaniacle space sluts can wear to make sweet, sweet love. Sound sexy? Well, it isn't. There are giant flaps on each suit that velcro open so boobies can be fondled and what not, and I don't even want to speculate on the other flaps that are, well, kinda necessary.



These lovesuit creators put on their suits and performed a mock demonstration during a parabolic flight. It was disgusting. Awkward. Two adults in suits that look like onesies with two huge flaps velcroing them together. Ick, disturbing.



If there is one thing scientists are good at, it's taking the fun out of everything. You can tell by taking a look at this handy diagram I found online.


Note the woman's weightless, flyaway hair, and the dude's five-o'clock-shadow. Also note the bulky, opposite of sexy, space suits and BLACK SOCKS! The only thing it's missing is written directions: 'Insert here'.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Walk around Elk Cove

I'm lucky to live somewhere so georgous!!!!









Just some pictures of my slushy, sloshy hike with Artie. It was a beautiful day and I regretted not having brought my camera along!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Senior Moments

Like a huge, out of control freight train, the unstoppable passage of time is bearing down on us. Artie is turning seven this week. SEVEN!!! "The magic number" as one veterinary website puts it. Meaning, the year dogs are officially considered OLD.


I like to keep up on my dog's health. He's pretty important to me and it's the least I can do to study up on the latest news pertaining to dog care and maintenance. A few months back, I took Artie to get all his shots updated and get him a check up. The vet was new to us and was a wealth of knowledge, as well as socially awkward and a little strange. He told me that due to Artie's age, I should start thinking about Senior dog food and Glucosamine supplements. WHAT???!!! "No way", I convinced myself. "Artie is still just a puppy, he's not old until I say he is. Old dogs are like TEN years old, Artie is no where near that."



Denial aside, the cookalizoo Veterinarian was right.

My heart sank a little bit yesterday as I wheeled a shopping cart out of the front door of PetSmart. The sky was grey and forboding, my cart weighted down with a forty pound bag of Iams, Active Maturity dry dog food. "For dogs ages seven and up", the front of the bag boasted.



I proceeded to whine to Bruce about my sadness and insecurity that Artie is getting older. After all, I have clearly explained that Artie is to live forever and if he doesn't I'm going to need someone to blame. After listening to my complaints and laughing at my despair, Bruce calmly prepared me that "Artie has only minutes to live." I had to laugh at myself too. Seven is not that much of a catastrophy... I think.


So now I'm referring to Artie as "my little senior citizen" and am trying to figure out how I can use him to get a sweet deal on a Dennys Grand Slam breakfast or order off the senior menu at Sheri's. I'm totally eyeballing those handicapped parking spots at the grocery store too. Hmmm, I wonder if I could teach Artie how to act decrepid and feeble on command? That could come in really useful.